Before we say 'this is not who we are'....
...who are we?
There is a phrase that seems to pop up a lot when uncomfortable political truths surface, and people want to put some distance in between themselves and said truths.
‘This is not who we are.’ ‘I know we are better than this.’ ‘This is not what we represent as a nation.’
I have a MASSIVE problem with this statement.
Because, you see, this statement is only and exclusively ever made when something really ugly has already been done. There is a situation unfurling before our eyes that shows that This Sadly Is, in fact, Exactly Who We Are. Because the thing has happened. There it is, we’re staring at it. The victims are bloodied and crying. There are no real suggestions for how to repair things. But someone will come out with this comforting thought.
‘This is not who we are! This doesn’t represent us.’
What comes after that bold proclamation? We organize together to alleviate the terrible situation, we rush to take ownership, to support the surviving victims? We come together as one to make sure policies are changed to allow this to never happen again? NOPE! We all go home, happy and comforted by the thought that, even though the Bad Thing happened, and was Bad, it doesn’t in any way reflect badly on us personally, because that is not ‘who we really are’.
I watched a movie trailer in the cinema recently, it was for a film about the Holocaust called Irena’s Vow (2023). I have not seen the film and its critiques seem lackluster, but there was a line in that trailer that managed to congeal and crystalize for me a giant mass of questions I had been mulling over for months now. The line says:
‘It doesn’t matter who we are. What we do is who we are.’
It made me shiver.
It was as if a thousand doubts had all untangled themselves in my head at the same time. Who the hell cares ‘who we are’. What are we actually doing? It’s literally the only thing that means anything at all.
I have many thoughts on western individualism and individual exceptionalism, and how they play into our current state in various complex ways. We have built a cult of Identity, where your value lies in what a Unique Individual you are, your feelings deserve the utmost respect and undivided attention, and you readily define yourself by the exclusive groups you belong to.
‘But I’m a Christian!’ (or insert whatever other religion). ‘But I’m a Democrat!’ (or insert any other party). ‘But I’m an immigrant!’ (or insert any other minority). ….Ok? Great! Personally I love that for you. Your complex intersectional identity is a thing of unique beauty, to be celebrated and protected in all of its facets. But it has literally NOTHING to do with what you are actually DOING in the world.
Now I do want to stop here and pause that I do not intend to place the burden of fixing the world on those who are already marginalized and targeted by its many injustices. But it is also interesting to me to see, through these last months of intense horror in the world, that it is consistently those people - black and brown voices, queer voices, neurodivergent voices - that have been the loudest in speaking out against pretty much all of society’s ills. It is ever those who are already comfortable that seem to wish to remain comfortable, and unburdened by all those things that have ‘nothing to do with them’.
Now obviously no one wants some random preachy artist to fall from the sky and tell them they are a Bad Person. And I would never. I don’t know you.
But YOU know you. So you can ask yourself - which issues in society do I feel are not being handled well? What makes me cringe when I read about it? What group of suffering people stirs my empathy? Is it Palestine? Is it the homeless? Is it people struggling with mental health and getting no support? Working families with children who are still below the poverty line because of abysmal pay? Queer people? Ethnic minorities facing discrimination and violence? Women and girls facing discrimination and violence? Veterans? Immigrants and refugees? One of these has got to strike a chord, right? Possibly a few of them.
Ok so these are the things you care about. Now quick - what are you actively doing to help them?
It’s not a trick question. Just caring about something is not an action. Thinking someone’s situation is really tragic doesn’t actually help that person in any real way. But we often fall into this trap of thinking ‘well I care deeply about these things, it’s just that I am not someone who is in a position to make any difference! I’m not a decision maker! I don’t have money or power! What can I do except empathize?’
This is absolutely true for me too. I get overwhelmed. I feel pretty hopeless about my ability to singlehandedly influence the world. I get depressed thinking that the recycling I’m taking the time to rinse and separate isn’t really getting recycled, the small donations I make to charities might not be reaching their intended recipients, that sharing posts of families trying to evacuate Gaza might not do any good if they get scammed before that money reaches them, or killed before they can use it. I also wonder whether giving the homeless guy a fiver really makes a difference. I don’t believe my MP is taking to heart the emails I occasionally send her. I also feel very, very small in a very unrelenting world - a tiny grain of sand in Jupiter’s massive perpetual storm.
But if there is a single thing I know for sure, it’s that if we succumb to thinking that way - we are well and truly fucked.
Someone somewhere wrote ‘So many stories about time travel are based on the notion that making a tiny, insignificant change in the past could have massive effects on the present day, but nobody seems ready to believe that tiny, insignificant changes they make today could conceivably have massive effects on the future.’
Recently the people of Britain were faced with this same question - ‘is this who we are? Are we as a nation represented by the thugs and hooligans who want to spit at their neighbors, beat up innocent bystanders, and set regular hard working people’s cars and businesses and homes on fire?’ The people of Britain looked at each other and said ‘No, actually. No this is not who we fuckin’ are, let us show you who we are.’ And they flooded the streets in an overwhelming show of support for their neighbors and complete disdain for racist assholes, demonstrating quite eloquently Who They Really Are. And they sent the racist assholes scampering for cover behind the same cops they had been throwing rocks at the previous day.
So if every time you hear of a social issue your first thoughts are ‘well yes it’s unfortunate, but it cannot be resolved because of x, y, and z…..’ and if every time you hear of someone trying to do something to change things your immediate reaction is ‘well yeah it’s great that they’re trying something, but it definitely won’t work because of x, y, and z……’ then….. I have some bad news for you. The reality you live in reflects EXACTLY who you are.
You may not be one of the people actively participating in the conception, construction and maintenance of the mechanisms that keep us in a state of scarcity and inequality. But they don’t need you to be that. They’ve got that covered. Those positions are already filled. There’s, as you can see, plenty of them. They, in fact, don’t want you there. What you are supposed to do to contribute to the current setup is exactly what you’re doing - nothing. You’re supposed to believe it’s all as it must be, that there is no way to improve anything, if there were they would have already done it, all the ills we are facing are simply sad inevitabilities and it is useless to struggle against them.
Education can’t be any better, healthcare can’t be any more accessible, salaries and prices are naturally formed by the free market, the pollution of earth is a simple byproduct of unstoppable progress, homeless people must necessarily exist, wars will always happen, women are just naturally weaker and thus will inevitably always be assaulted by men, some ethnic groups are just not as capable as others and that explains the difference in their rate of material success in modern society. All is as it must be. Make peace with it and worry about yourself.
Is that who we are?
There is a huge danger in building a mystical, glorified image of ‘your true self’ in your head that is fundamentally untouched by the reality of your daily behavior. One very clear example of this I have been seeing all over recently is ‘what Zionism really means’. I have heard such beautiful tales of ‘the Real Zionism’ and what it’s like. People have passionately and with great fervor described to me what Zionism looks like in their hearts. ‘It is not violent, it doesn’t seek to oppress anyone - it is just a beautiful dream we all share, of having a place to call our own, where we will always be safe. Is that something you are against? Because if it’s not, then you are a Zionist too!’
It sounds really lovely, doesn’t it? How can we possibly begrudge someone just dreaming of a safe place to exist in peace?
The only issue is, when you look out of your window and face reality, you notice that’s not what the actual Zionism seems to be about. Like, there’s a whole lot of additional death and destruction there that really seems to be part and parcel of it. Like, a lot. Like, way more than I ever imagined I would see during my lifetime. Way more. So much blood. Just unspeakable amounts of blood. Incredible acts of such specific and horrifying cruelty. A complete divorce with any sort of humanity. A list of atrocities that never stops unfurling.
And when you mention any of this, this is the answer that comes back.
‘Yes, ok, it’s true that some of the things being done are not really ok. Some of it goes a bit too far. But that is not who we really are!’
Yes, it is.
What you do is who you really are.
What you allow is who you really are.
What you find excuses for is who you really are.
What you decide to willfully ignore is who you really are.
What you argue for online is who you really are.
Now you could absolutely stand up and say ‘Ok, yes, this is who we are at the moment, but it’s not who we want to be. We need to reckon with this dark side of who we are and find a way to align it to what we believe we should be.’
That’s fine.
That’s taking responsibility.
But let’s stop pretending that ‘who we really are’ can somehow be divorced from what we do, and say, and think, and support, daily.
At least own it.
Because it doesn’t matter who we are. What we do is who we are.
I still remember that one day in 8th grade when my 1st-hour class teacher (and mind you, that was Algebra!) posted this quote on the smart board: "no snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible."
I'm glad you keep pushing this. What is happening to Palestinians is endlessly horrifying. Israel was born of terrorism and has, for its entire existence, been a terrorist state. All the world knows it except for the US and its vassals.